What To Do When Friends Disclose Mental Health Problems to You

How Can I Support a Friend in Need?

1. Listening. Simply listen. Let them describe what is going on. Ask clarifying questions such as “Tell me what’s going on” or “How are you feeling about it?”
2. Validating. Validating means affirming that their emotions and experience are legitimate. This can be things such as “I understand why you feel this way”, “Wow, that sounds really hard”, and “Totally makes sense to me why you feel the way you do.”
3. Support their own problem-solving. When the time feels right, ask them “What are you doing about this?” or “What kinds of options have you considered?”

When and How Do I Break a Promise to Keep a Secret?

• If they you they are being hurt physically or sexually by an adult or a peer
• If they tell you they’re thinking about suicide and have a plan or have made an attempt
• If they tell you they’re thinking about hurting other people
• If they tell you they’re planning to run away from home
• If they tell you they’re planning to meet someone from online, and no one else will know where they are

What if the Adults in Our Lives Aren't Great Resources?

• a school counselor (they are often offering online appointments right now, too, just ask your teacher if you don’t know the counselor already)
• a teacher
• a coach
• another family member you trust

• You are spending large part of your day worrying about your friend
• Worry about your friend is distracting from other tasks
• You’re losing sleep or your appetite because of worry about your friend
• You feel pressured to make time for them even when you’re not available
• You feel like the “only one” your friend has to rely on
• No amount of advice or listening improves your friend’s situation

• Redirecting: “I’m so sorry you’re still struggling with your girlfriend.  Let’s find something else distracting to talk about.”
• Validation: “I love being the person you talk to, and I want to keep being that person in the future, but this is weighing on me, so I need a break from this topic for a week or two.”
• Recruiting: “I know you’ve said I’m the only one you can talk to about this, but I really think [other person] is a good friend/family member, too. Can I help you tell them what you’ve been going through?”
• Direct: “I don’t want to hurt you, but this is too heavy for me right now, can we please talk about something else?”

• Amy Mezulis, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist who received her BA from Harvard University and her MA and PhD in Clinical Psychology from University of Wisconsin – Madison. Dr. Mezulis provides services to older children, adolescents and adults utilizing an evidence-based, cognitive-behavioral approach that includes mindfulness and acceptance-based treatments. Dr. Mezulis has specialized training in mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, suicidality and self-injury, trauma, substance use, and adolescent development. She is currently on the faculty at Seattle Pacific University, where she chairs the Clinical Psychology PhD program.
• Katey Nicolai, is a licensed clinical psychologist who received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Seattle Pacific University. Dr. Nicolai provides services to adolescents and adults using evidence-based treatment rooted in cognitive-behavioral and psychodynamic therapies, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy, interpersonal therapy, and family systems. Dr. Nicolai has specialized training in treating trauma and PTSD, personality disorders, self-harm and suicidailty, family problems, emotion dysregulation, and mood and anxiety disorders.